Welcome Home

My heart is in a really weird place right now. Last night, I came home from a 4 week mission trip to Tijuana, Mexico. Being back home feels... good and bad. I have to admit that I do enjoy my own shower alot, and not having beans for breakfast is pretty exciting. But besides all those selfish indulgences, there are things that are making my heart really anxious.

For one thing, returning home is like entering back into "real life." Within the past month, the only real worry that I had was coming home. I was not ready to leave my friends from the orphanage, answer questions about what God did while I was gone, or try explaining the whole Mexico experience to someone who was only asking about my trip to be polite. With all that on my mind, I walked in my house at one this morning and immediately had to face reality: My car is, in a way, exploded, my school schedule for this upcoming year is not working out to my liking, eventually I have to go back to work, that summer homework needs to get done, AND my luggage is who-knows-where. Welcome home!

Another thing that hurts to think about is the people who I'm going to miss. The hardest part about leaving is knowing that you are not going to be able to spend time with your friends there for an entire year. Yesterday morning as we were about to load the vans to go across the border, everyone was hugging and saying their goodbyes. We all got onto the van, and within fifteen minutes we stared remembering people that we didn't say bye to. This morning I woke up with a particular person on my mind that I didn't get to give a goodbye hug to. The feeling is horrible.

Something that God has had me pondering over the last month is how to live on the mission feild every day. Serving families in the dump of TJ and serving at home by doing the dishes hardly seem to have the same impact. I want to do awesome things for the Lord, and I want to see him work in awesome ways around me. However, most of the time I feel like Knoxville is just an average, unexciting place (especially after living in a foreign country for a month). I get into this funk where I feel like God doesn't do anything here. But I'm wrong (obviously). The problem is that I don't do anything here. Believe it or not, it's really hard to see God work when you sit around expecting him to show you how he's working, not expecting yourself to pursue his works. So basically it just means a lifestyle change for me.

And that's a wrap for my first ever blog!  Sorry if it seems really scattered. That's how my heart feels right now.