That's Bruno Mars's song. I just wanted this blog to have a catchy title because it's all about marriage! Now obviously I don't know ANYTHING about marriage, since I am 17 and still in high school. But somewhere near the end of my freshman year I decided I was going to start writing letters to my husband. In all honestly, this idea was probably inspired by The Notebook, and how Noah wrote Allie 365 letters. It's kindof a ridiculous idea, but I personally feel like it is the sweetest thing ever :) I have three in the collection so far, and I pretty much just wanted to share some major things I've learned through the process.
The second letter I wrote to my husband was the product of a pretty big fight my parents had. Since it was their fight and I'm sure they don't want the whole world to know, I'm not going to share details. It turned into a family ordeal, though, and there were definitely tears shed. As I was reflecting over it that night in bed, my little girl fairytale fantasy fell apart. So I started a new letter and wrote this:
"I just wanted to share this because we have to realize our marriage isn't always going to be good and happy. There's going to be times that are really hard. There's going to be sin in the midst of it too. I know that sometimes we're going to cry, curse, and have hatred in our hearts towards one another. But who else would I want to do that with?"
Married people all over are reading this thinking "well DUH," but to a girl who has dreamt of her wedding since age 8, this was a huge realization. After the vows, the cake, and all the "fun" you can possibly have on your honeymoon, you have to go back to real life. And real life isn't always cuddling and kissing and whatever else girls day dream about. I especially like the part I wrote about sin. Both parties of a marriage are sinful people, and you have to deal with that together. Why don't artists ever write songs about THAT?
Another thing I have realized is that my idealized view of marriage is so completely selfish. I once had a small group leader that said "I wake up every day and think of ways to serve my husband." Marriage is not for anybody but God. People who go into it selfishly thinking their spouse is going to fulfill them or complete them are probably so dissatisfied. I mean, I wouldn't want to wake up everyday thinking "Oh my gosh. I have to fulfill my husband today." Talk about pressure.
So. Now you know all kinds of marital wisdom from a 17 year old who writes letters to a person she may or may not even know!
Katie
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Tell Me Once Again...
Tonight Andrew Peterson and several of his fellow musician friends performed at my church as part of their anual "Behold The Lamb of God" Christmas tour. Before they actually got into the 45 minute long continual Christmas set, they all shared two songs from their normal albums. One artist, Jason Gray, played a song called "Remind Me Who I Am." I have heard it a few times on the radio, but for some reason the truth of it did not sink in until tonight.
This school year has been... tolling. Besides the normal stress that comes with honors and AP classes, I have let myself make decisions that put me directly on the path of destruction. The consequences have been varying, but with the same underlying theme: hurt. Completely disregarding the Bible's wisdom about guarding your heart (Proverbs 4:23), I basically bound myself in rope and sat down on the train tracks. Needless to say, life has been depressing lately. Usually I think of myself as a very strong person, being able to deal with things on my own and overcome the greatest of obstacles. Recently, however, I have realized that I'm not strong at all. I wallow in the hurt, because it is easier to find than the joy. That's not strength.
Getting back to the song, the lyrics that really spoke to me tonight are as following:
When I lose my way and I forget my name (Beloved), remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see is who I don't want to be, remind me who I am.
In the lonliest places when I can't remember what grace is...
Tell me once again, who I am to you.
Tell me lest I forget, who I am to you.
When Jason started singing that song tonight, I realized that it's okay to be down, and it's okay to have struggles- that's just life. When the insecurity and doubt creeps in, Christ reminds us that we are his BELOVED. There's a method to the madness. Whether it is a lesson learned, or a battle for his glory, the hurt is for a greater good (Romans 8:28). To me, there is joy in that knowledge. And already He's taught me about His sufficiency through all of this. He is everything that humanity cannot be for us. Whatever standards or expectations we have of people that they cannot meet (which is all of them- we're broken people), He will meet 1000 times over again. He is perfection. Praise Adonai.
This school year has been... tolling. Besides the normal stress that comes with honors and AP classes, I have let myself make decisions that put me directly on the path of destruction. The consequences have been varying, but with the same underlying theme: hurt. Completely disregarding the Bible's wisdom about guarding your heart (Proverbs 4:23), I basically bound myself in rope and sat down on the train tracks. Needless to say, life has been depressing lately. Usually I think of myself as a very strong person, being able to deal with things on my own and overcome the greatest of obstacles. Recently, however, I have realized that I'm not strong at all. I wallow in the hurt, because it is easier to find than the joy. That's not strength.
Getting back to the song, the lyrics that really spoke to me tonight are as following:
When I lose my way and I forget my name (Beloved), remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see is who I don't want to be, remind me who I am.
In the lonliest places when I can't remember what grace is...
Tell me once again, who I am to you.
Tell me lest I forget, who I am to you.
When Jason started singing that song tonight, I realized that it's okay to be down, and it's okay to have struggles- that's just life. When the insecurity and doubt creeps in, Christ reminds us that we are his BELOVED. There's a method to the madness. Whether it is a lesson learned, or a battle for his glory, the hurt is for a greater good (Romans 8:28). To me, there is joy in that knowledge. And already He's taught me about His sufficiency through all of this. He is everything that humanity cannot be for us. Whatever standards or expectations we have of people that they cannot meet (which is all of them- we're broken people), He will meet 1000 times over again. He is perfection. Praise Adonai.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The Mountains
Every year that I've gone to Mexico, I've taken a picture of the same scene. At the orphonage in Rosarito, you can stand on the basketball court and see these two mountains in the distance that touch at their base. Between the mountains you can see a little sliver of the Pacific Ocean. I'm not sure why, but I've always enjoyed that little masterpiece of nature.
During this year's trip, the high school team spent a day at the orphonage in Rosarito doing various projects to make the grounds look better. After the day's work, we visited the local market, went back to the orphonage for dinner, and then had a time of worship and prayer there. During the time of prayer we all kinda went our seperate ways and had some quiet alone time with God. I ended up sitting on a pile of random cinderblocks staring at my favorite scene, just praying about random things that popped into my head. Before I continue the story, I need to let you know that before I left for Mexico, and while I was there, I had been praying about really hearing God's voice. That's something I struggle with, mostly because I talk too much to let him get a word in otherwise.
So anyway, I was sitting there rambling away with my shallow prayers, and all of the sudden it hit me that I only had a little over a week left. My mind was silent for a second, and then I told God, "You know, I really don't want to go home." Then he said back, "I know. I know you don't want to go home." It really wasn't that awesome of an encounter with God, but to me in that moment, it was. I sat there for a minute, and then I started realizing how big God is. When he made those mountains that frame the little piece of ocean, he knew that in a bajillion years I would be sitting and staring at it. He knew that we would have that very brief conversation. He knew.
Every time I think about that moment, I understand a little more how... matchless my God is. Not only did he know about that moment when he was creating those mountains, but he was in the moment with me too. At the same time. And not only that, he was in the moment with me right now when I'm blogging about it. All at the same time. God just... is. He's everywhere, all the time. Quien fue, quien es, y quien vendra. Sometimes I am disappointed in myself, because I live like I don't belong to a God who is so completely sovereign. Even when I have moments like this where he shows me that he is.
During this year's trip, the high school team spent a day at the orphonage in Rosarito doing various projects to make the grounds look better. After the day's work, we visited the local market, went back to the orphonage for dinner, and then had a time of worship and prayer there. During the time of prayer we all kinda went our seperate ways and had some quiet alone time with God. I ended up sitting on a pile of random cinderblocks staring at my favorite scene, just praying about random things that popped into my head. Before I continue the story, I need to let you know that before I left for Mexico, and while I was there, I had been praying about really hearing God's voice. That's something I struggle with, mostly because I talk too much to let him get a word in otherwise.
So anyway, I was sitting there rambling away with my shallow prayers, and all of the sudden it hit me that I only had a little over a week left. My mind was silent for a second, and then I told God, "You know, I really don't want to go home." Then he said back, "I know. I know you don't want to go home." It really wasn't that awesome of an encounter with God, but to me in that moment, it was. I sat there for a minute, and then I started realizing how big God is. When he made those mountains that frame the little piece of ocean, he knew that in a bajillion years I would be sitting and staring at it. He knew that we would have that very brief conversation. He knew.
Every time I think about that moment, I understand a little more how... matchless my God is. Not only did he know about that moment when he was creating those mountains, but he was in the moment with me too. At the same time. And not only that, he was in the moment with me right now when I'm blogging about it. All at the same time. God just... is. He's everywhere, all the time. Quien fue, quien es, y quien vendra. Sometimes I am disappointed in myself, because I live like I don't belong to a God who is so completely sovereign. Even when I have moments like this where he shows me that he is.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Welcome Home
My heart is in a really weird place right now. Last night, I came home from a 4 week mission trip to Tijuana, Mexico. Being back home feels... good and bad. I have to admit that I do enjoy my own shower alot, and not having beans for breakfast is pretty exciting. But besides all those selfish indulgences, there are things that are making my heart really anxious.
For one thing, returning home is like entering back into "real life." Within the past month, the only real worry that I had was coming home. I was not ready to leave my friends from the orphanage, answer questions about what God did while I was gone, or try explaining the whole Mexico experience to someone who was only asking about my trip to be polite. With all that on my mind, I walked in my house at one this morning and immediately had to face reality: My car is, in a way, exploded, my school schedule for this upcoming year is not working out to my liking, eventually I have to go back to work, that summer homework needs to get done, AND my luggage is who-knows-where. Welcome home!
Another thing that hurts to think about is the people who I'm going to miss. The hardest part about leaving is knowing that you are not going to be able to spend time with your friends there for an entire year. Yesterday morning as we were about to load the vans to go across the border, everyone was hugging and saying their goodbyes. We all got onto the van, and within fifteen minutes we stared remembering people that we didn't say bye to. This morning I woke up with a particular person on my mind that I didn't get to give a goodbye hug to. The feeling is horrible.
Something that God has had me pondering over the last month is how to live on the mission feild every day. Serving families in the dump of TJ and serving at home by doing the dishes hardly seem to have the same impact. I want to do awesome things for the Lord, and I want to see him work in awesome ways around me. However, most of the time I feel like Knoxville is just an average, unexciting place (especially after living in a foreign country for a month). I get into this funk where I feel like God doesn't do anything here. But I'm wrong (obviously). The problem is that I don't do anything here. Believe it or not, it's really hard to see God work when you sit around expecting him to show you how he's working, not expecting yourself to pursue his works. So basically it just means a lifestyle change for me.
And that's a wrap for my first ever blog! Sorry if it seems really scattered. That's how my heart feels right now.
For one thing, returning home is like entering back into "real life." Within the past month, the only real worry that I had was coming home. I was not ready to leave my friends from the orphanage, answer questions about what God did while I was gone, or try explaining the whole Mexico experience to someone who was only asking about my trip to be polite. With all that on my mind, I walked in my house at one this morning and immediately had to face reality: My car is, in a way, exploded, my school schedule for this upcoming year is not working out to my liking, eventually I have to go back to work, that summer homework needs to get done, AND my luggage is who-knows-where. Welcome home!
Another thing that hurts to think about is the people who I'm going to miss. The hardest part about leaving is knowing that you are not going to be able to spend time with your friends there for an entire year. Yesterday morning as we were about to load the vans to go across the border, everyone was hugging and saying their goodbyes. We all got onto the van, and within fifteen minutes we stared remembering people that we didn't say bye to. This morning I woke up with a particular person on my mind that I didn't get to give a goodbye hug to. The feeling is horrible.
Something that God has had me pondering over the last month is how to live on the mission feild every day. Serving families in the dump of TJ and serving at home by doing the dishes hardly seem to have the same impact. I want to do awesome things for the Lord, and I want to see him work in awesome ways around me. However, most of the time I feel like Knoxville is just an average, unexciting place (especially after living in a foreign country for a month). I get into this funk where I feel like God doesn't do anything here. But I'm wrong (obviously). The problem is that I don't do anything here. Believe it or not, it's really hard to see God work when you sit around expecting him to show you how he's working, not expecting yourself to pursue his works. So basically it just means a lifestyle change for me.
And that's a wrap for my first ever blog! Sorry if it seems really scattered. That's how my heart feels right now.
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